The Mystery

The Mystery

How is it, no matter how successful, confident, intelligent, attractive, or independent a woman is, she can manage to convince herself she is responsible for all the turmoil in her relationships? How is it no matter how clear-cut a situation, women still blame themselves for anything that can, did, or will go wrong? Remarkably, if the same situation were to occur to any of our friends, families, co-workers, or peers, we would be able to correctly identify the wrong-doer without even blinking. I am not innocent; I am the poster child of “It’s My Fault”. I have the amazing ability to blame myself for whatever happens in a relationship, and to be the first to say sorry in just about any situation (like the time I apologized for putting the toilet seat down at a boyfriend’s apartment.)
Now, I’m not trying to bash men here; that is not my intention. I love men, but we don’t always seem to see eye to eye. Even the ones I consider to be my best friends still perplex and puzzle me (like how they know the major stats of every player on 30 different teams, but can’t remember their mother’s birthday). It’s not that I think they are heartless; they just want what they want. While it is human nature for all of us to seek things that are in our best interests and to satisfy our own personal needs, the men I know seem to be a little more inclined to violate certain emotional rules to attain and satisfy those “needs”. They know how to manipulate women to get what they want (and sometimes they are convinced that they need). They are great at whispering the pretty little nothings in our ears and telling us everything we want to hear. Can you blame them; it works.

It works because women want to be whispered beautiful things. We need to be built up before we give in (and that’s to anything). As time marches on, the whispers lead to our hearts, and eventually our hearts become a little more involved then we would like them to be, or admit they become. For women, it’s inherently a bit harder to “love ‘em and leave ‘em”. We want to “love ‘em and keep ‘em”, at least long enough to feel justified in our attachment…or at least last night’s actions. We want them to want us for as long as we want them (ok, truth be told, we want them to always want us, even when we don’t want them). It’s a pretty simple equation.
(Now, in defense of men worldwide, I know they have hearts, and feel, and have been damaged, but men seem to be made of a thicker, bouncier material, and as such bounce back more vibrantly than the women I know. I want to also acknowledge I have seen, and know, women can be just as manipulative as men. But I’ve seen this most commonly in retaliation for some situation gone astray with the men in their lives.)

Back to the topic at hand...Men have a great knack for pawning off blame. They don’t like to be wrong (unless of course, saying so will get them a little action). Being wrong damages their ego and somehow makes them less of a man. I don’t believe they intend to convince the women in their lives the issue in their relationships is entirely the woman’s fault, but who else are they going to blame if it isn’t their fault? There are two people in a relationship, and if it’s not their fault, that only leaves one other person, the woman.

I am no relationship expert. I haven’t had one healthy or successful relationship yet (although how many single people have? Isn’t that why we are still single?). While I hope this blog produces some laughs, I also hope it provides perspective, insight, and empowerment. Many of the stories relayed are a bit ridiculous, others are a bit more serious, while others may hit a little too close to home. I find seeing these stories through others eyes makes them a bit easier to digest, and ultimately to deal with. I am not here to give out advice or tell you how to find and be in a healthy and happy relationship. I just know too many women who have resigned themselves to be in far-from-perfect relationships. They would rather be unhappy with someone than alone. Is that really the only alternative there is? All I’m suggesting is there are other possibilities. I’m asking you to take a look at who you are, what you want, what you have, what you’re willing to leave behind, what you’re not willing to give up, and to open yourself up to the idea something better exists. This blog isn’t really about the men in the stories; it’s about your reaction to them. Why would you rather just say you are sorry to smooth things out, then to just talk about what’s really going on? Why do we fight so hard for them, but we won’t put forth the same effort for our selves? Maybe you know this, or maybe you suspect this to be true, but you are something special. You are worth fighting for; so start fighting.